Person on till: “That’s a lot of sweets! Kids party?”
Sensible response (aka a simple lie): “Haha! Yes!”
Approximate actual response: “Sorry? Um...well...um...we’ve got friends coming...the M&Ms are for me but...they’re on offer...so...and...they’ll last a couple of weeks ha ha!”
Honest response: “No, I’ve had a tough day, I don’t appear to be having any success when I do try to diet so I’m indulging myself in a large amount of sugary food products which I will go home and eat until I am physically sick and also sick of myself, because cakes and biscuits and sweets are my drugs of choice. And yes I am thirty-eight and yes those are three packets of Eric the Elephant sweets I am purchasing for £1 sat next to the £1.75 bag of M&Ms, the cheap biscuits and the bag of fresh cookies. This will be my evening meal and will ease the pain of the marking I will manage to get done before my Codydramol sets in and puts me to sleep in front of Come Dine With Me. Do not judge me. And you sir, the person behind me, with your conveyer belt full of fruit and cauliflower...might I suggest you live a little? You could be dead tomorrow. Have a CAKE! And, yes, I do see the irony, in that I will most likely die way before you when my organs finally keel over due to the lack of respect I have shown them throughout my thirties.”
4 comments:
That. Is. Awesome. If I could stand up and applaud over the internet I would! One of the things I was taught in my first ever library job was to never comment on what someone's borrowing, even if it's positive, because people don't want to feel like they're being judged. Someone needs to tell that to that person on the till. Also, Eric the Elephant sweets sound goooooood!
Eric the Elephant is a poor man's Percy Pig. You may remember we sent you some. Three bags for £1. Perfect to cham on after a stressy day.
Bulimia. You're always bringing that up.
Sick, Norbert.
Post a Comment