Hang in there, my friends, I am (very) trying!

I am an incredibly difficult person in some respects. I think I need to thank all of the people who, for some reason or other, continue to be my friends. I’m not talking about “FaceBook friends”, I am talking about the long-suffering fools who continue to actually want to socialise with me, invite me out to places and invite me over to their houses and so on. I sometimes wonder why they do it, but so far they keep on coming back for more.
 
You see, when we meet up with our friends with children and go and do some free treasure hunting in the woods or to some summer show with an entry fee of £9 per head, you can guarantee one of two things will happen to me. Either I will be cynical, moaning and ripping everything to shreds, or I will “behave” and then have the feeling that my friends are waiting for me to start slating everything based on previous behaviour. So far it still seems to get laughs and occasional long-suffering sighs, but I wonder if the time will come when they no longer bother with me.

The thing is...I just cannot help my responses to things. I am open-minded in so much that I can appreciate that one person’s idea of mind-numbingly dreary “fun” is nothing like mine, and I appreciate these differences are what make it all so “interesting”, but I cannot help but mock that which I cannot relate to.

I am going use the Hampshire County Show as an example. I am not making this up: one of the attractions was the England vs Germany Chainsaw Wood Carving Challenge Match. Right, okay. Now you’re over that, consider the fact that seeing this actually happening is a mildly diverting visual treat – for 15 seconds – and no one wants to hear the offensive noise they make when they do this, do they?!

But wait. There is more. Check out my picture of the Ferguson 12vt (or something) tractor...and my arty ironic picture which directs the show’s patrons to a cordoned off grassy (repeat: grassy) area where they can – wait for it - learn to fish...and my picture with a “quite big” tractor, a medium-sized one and a “quite small” one all next to each other.

What a treat, right? So...I hope my friends understand...I genuinely had a great time today, but not necessarily for the reasons people may expect. I was just so entertained by sheer...trivialness...of it all. I loved the people commentating on people riding their horses. I loved discovering some horse-related thing where pairs of people sit on little chariot things one behind the other...and I loved wondering what role the person sat at the back played, if any – I mean, they didn’t hold any reigns or a crop or anything. And after some discussion of how tiresome watching these people go repeatedly clockwise around a rectangular arena was, when my friend leaned over to me and did a pretend voice over suggesting the second passenger simply said “Turn right” repeatedly, how I didn’t end up rupturing something through laughing, I do not know.

But...different strokes for different blokes and all that, right? I know that the things that interest me are just as dull to other people. I only hope that the tractor enthusiasts of the world who maybe don’t enjoy song-writing, live music, stand-up comedy, travelling, rollercoaster riding, going to the cinema, watching great television and playing and chatting with friends over Xbox Live and FaceBook have a fabulous time mocking the likes of me and the drivel we fill our desperately sad lives with.

To my friends...You guys have known me for so long now. I apologise for being the way I am. When you’re dragging me around shops, you have learnt I hate spending money. When you’re dancing to music I despise, you’ll see me nodding my disapproval. When you laugh at poor quality slap-stick Saturday night television and you see me sighing at you, it doesn’t mean I am not enjoying myself. I am happy being a sardonic miserable old sod, and I ask that you continue to embrace the fact that I just see things a little more skewed than you do, perhaps.

I love you guys. My school report from when I was 10 years old says I was “unusually cynical for someone so young” and that I kept a “very select group of friends”. I love my life and I love spending time with you guys. I love talking twaddle with you and I love the fact that we go to places that waste my money so I can moan about it and be all the more amused at my own stupidity...and often yours as well.

You're not the only unique individual you know.

The general consensus is that I am “random” and “left of centre” to say the least. I am told I have a dry sense of humour and I seem to have caused debate on occasion as to whether I am funny or just annoying. For the likes of me (and herein lies the main gist behind this blog, really) though, so long as we’re getting attention, we’re sort of happy...I think.

The internet has helped me so much. I have discovered there are people who have the same opinions as me and people who think almost exactly like me. It’s great! Or...is it? I don’t know whether to be pleased or depressed by the fact that I am not nearly as unique as I always thought I was. And I am not blogging this to be funny – it’s genuinely something that is on my mind.

I always considered myself to be one of a kind. But...I’m clearly not! Should I revel in the warm cosy feeling that I am not the only one who e-mailed the BBC to complain about Graham Norton’s stupid mug appearing during the climax of a recent Dr Who episode? Apparently, 5500 people complained. On the one hand I was very excited that we got an apology and that our complaints has resulted in change. On the other hand I was annoyed that it wasn’t my extremely witty e-mail that was quoted on the radio – it was some lame middle-of-the-road person’s bland drivel that was read out as an example instead. But...but...mine was the best!!!

I really am torn. I mean...it amuses me to think there are many other blogs out there blogging about the very same thing I am right now...about their discoveries they are not unique...and I kind of enjoy laughing at my own insignificance. But why isn’t everyone reading mine?!

Best of all though, is that I created a spoof FaceBook group called “Being a Unique Individual”. I did this for two reasons. Firstly, it was so that it would appear in the news feed that “Trevor Williams has joined the group ‘Being a Unique Individual’, which amused me more than it should have. Secondly, it was a test to see if anyone else felt they were so unique they needed to add themselves to a group proclaiming their uniqueness, thus totally undermining their supposed individuality. I was setting a “clever” trap, see? A bit like when teenagers choose to dress “alternatively” and therefore all end up wearing the same Goth nonsense or whatever.

But, alas, there are many many many people like me who think they are funnier and cleverer than they actually are – and they are all just like me. So come on you self-congratulatory and self-indulgent yet introspective self-analytical types, let’s unite! I’m sure we’ll get along fine.